Today's SMS : Santa: Would you like me to help you with your homework.
Pappu: No thanks, I can get it wrong by myself.
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Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
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Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
______________________________
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
______________________________
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
______________________________
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam
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Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
______________________________
How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
______________________________
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
______________________________
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
______________________________
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare*****ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
______________________________
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
______________________________
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
______________________________
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
______________________________
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
______________________________
Ekbaar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
______________________________
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
______________________________
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It?s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It?s 1394.
______________________________
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It?s a gal
______________________________
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
______________________________
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
______________________________
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
______________________________
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
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Pappuwhile filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
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Santa ke bagiche mein bahut
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
______________________________
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
______________________________
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
______________________________
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag
______________________________
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn?t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
______________________________
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
______________________________
Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
______________________________
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
______________________________
Pappuwas writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar
______________________________
An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
______________________________
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
______________________________
Jeetoyelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!
______________________________
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-
______________________________
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
______________________________
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
______________________________
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
______________________________
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur
______________________________
Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju
______________________________
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
______________________________
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
______________________________
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
______________________________
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
______________________________
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
______________________________
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
______________________________
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
______________________________
Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
______________________________
Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
______________________________
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
______________________________
History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas
______________________________
Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
______________________________
Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
______________________________
Santa's shayari: Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh
______________________________
Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
______________________________
Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
______________________________
Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
______________________________
Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
______________________________
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.
______________________________
Santa: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ikhor aadmi ne keha santa 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Santa: Meinu patta se tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
______________________________
Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu
kehasi, Likh ke kyu nahi
Santa: Ki karda master g,
jidanhe mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya!!!
______________________________
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
______________________________
Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
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Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumkobhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke
Jab apke sath guzara samay
______________________________
Don?trush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
______________________________
What?smissing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you?ll get a heart! If u pick U, you?ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
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To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
______________________________
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
______________________________
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
______________________________
How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
______________________________
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
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Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
______________________________
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
______________________________
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
______________________________
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno
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Santa: I?m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What?s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
______________________________
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
______________________________
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven?t u heard train is coming on platform.
______________________________
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
______________________________
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
______________________________
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
______________________________
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
______________________________
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That?s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
______________________________
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
______________________________
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
______________________________
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
______________________________
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
______________________________
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats.
______________________________
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
______________________________
Preeto2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
______________________________
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette*****in the ashtray.
______________________________
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
______________________________
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
______________________________
Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
______________________________
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
______________________________
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
______________________________
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam
______________________________
Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
______________________________
How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
______________________________
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
______________________________
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
______________________________
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare*****ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
______________________________
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
______________________________
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
______________________________
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
______________________________
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
______________________________
Ekbaar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
______________________________
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
______________________________
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It?s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It?s 1394.
______________________________
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It?s a gal
______________________________
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
______________________________
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
______________________________
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
______________________________
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
______________________________
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
______________________________
Pappuwhile filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
______________________________
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
______________________________
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
______________________________
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
______________________________
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag
______________________________
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn?t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
______________________________
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
______________________________
Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
______________________________
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
______________________________
Pappuwas writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar
______________________________
An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
______________________________
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
______________________________
Jeetoyelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!
______________________________
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-
______________________________
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
______________________________
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
______________________________
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
______________________________
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur
______________________________
Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju
______________________________
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
______________________________
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
______________________________
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
______________________________
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
______________________________
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
______________________________
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
______________________________
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
______________________________
Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
______________________________
Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
______________________________
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
______________________________
History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas
______________________________
Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
______________________________
Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
______________________________
Santa's shayari: Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh
______________________________
Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
______________________________
Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
______________________________
Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
______________________________
Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
______________________________
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.
______________________________
Santa: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ikhor aadmi ne keha santa 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Santa: Meinu patta se tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
______________________________
Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu
kehasi, Likh ke kyu nahi
Santa: Ki karda master g,
jidanhe mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya!!!
______________________________
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
______________________________
Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
______________________________
Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumkobhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke
Jab apke sath guzara samay
______________________________
Don?trush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
______________________________
What?smissing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you?ll get a heart! If u pick U, you?ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
______________________________
To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
______________________________
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
______________________________
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
______________________________
How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
______________________________
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
______________________________
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
______________________________
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
______________________________
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
______________________________
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno
______________________________
Santa: I?m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What?s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
______________________________
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
______________________________
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven?t u heard train is coming on platform.
______________________________
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
______________________________
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
______________________________
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
______________________________
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
______________________________
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That?s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
______________________________
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
______________________________
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
______________________________
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
______________________________
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
______________________________
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats.
______________________________
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
______________________________
Preeto2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
______________________________
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette*****in the ashtray.
______________________________
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
______________________________
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
______________________________
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
______________________________
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam
______________________________
Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
______________________________
How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
______________________________
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
______________________________
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
______________________________
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare*****ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
______________________________
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
______________________________
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
______________________________
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
______________________________
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
______________________________
Ekbaar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
______________________________
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
______________________________
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It?s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It?s 1394.
______________________________
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It?s a gal
______________________________
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
______________________________
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
______________________________
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
______________________________
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
______________________________
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
______________________________
Pappuwhile filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
______________________________
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
______________________________
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
______________________________
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
______________________________
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag
______________________________
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn?t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
______________________________
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
______________________________
Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
______________________________
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
______________________________
Pappuwas writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar
______________________________
An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
______________________________
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
______________________________
Jeetoyelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!
______________________________
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-
______________________________
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
______________________________
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
______________________________
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
______________________________
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur
______________________________
Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju
______________________________
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
______________________________
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
______________________________
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
______________________________
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
______________________________
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
______________________________
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
______________________________
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
______________________________
Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
______________________________
Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
______________________________
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
______________________________
History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas
______________________________
Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
______________________________
Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
______________________________
Santa's shayari: Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh
______________________________
Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
______________________________
Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
______________________________
Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
______________________________
Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
______________________________
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.
______________________________
Santa: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ikhor aadmi ne keha santa 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Santa: Meinu patta se tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
______________________________
Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu
kehasi, Likh ke kyu nahi
Santa: Ki karda master g,
jidanhe mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya!!!
______________________________
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
______________________________
Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
______________________________
Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumkobhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke
Jab apke sath guzara samay
______________________________
Don?trush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
______________________________
What?smissing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you?ll get a heart! If u pick U, you?ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
______________________________
To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
______________________________
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
______________________________
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
______________________________
How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
______________________________
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
______________________________
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
______________________________
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
______________________________
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
______________________________
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno
______________________________
Santa: I?m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What?s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
______________________________
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
______________________________
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven?t u heard train is coming on platform.
______________________________
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
______________________________
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
______________________________
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
______________________________
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
______________________________
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That?s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
______________________________
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
______________________________
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
______________________________
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
______________________________
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
______________________________
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
______________________________
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats.
______________________________
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
______________________________
Preeto2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
______________________________
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette*****in the ashtray.
______________________________
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
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